"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best"
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Wednesday April 30th, 2008
So it has taken me some time to come on in and do an update. I really don't know what to say or how to put things but a lot of you already heard the passing of my mother Roseanna Kelly, on April 21st, 2008. Life has been busy since than, making arrangements, visiting people, people wanting to visit with us, and figuring everything out. I think saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I'll never get to talk with her in person, feel the warmth of her loving embrace or even just to sit and laugh with her for awhile. Those things I will miss indeed. I miss them now, I missed them yesterday and I'll miss them tomorrow.
I've been surrounding myself with family and close friends these past few days. They need me and I need them, there is no need to seperate that right now, not at a time like this. Sure I had a lot of questions like why? why now? why so soon? Everything happened so fast I didn't have enough time to retain all the information. I mean, I knew she was sick but I didn't know how serious it could get. Everything that happened these past few weeks taught me that life is too short. You never know when someone will go, if you'll ever see them again, or what lies in store for you. So you should surround yourself with the people you love, who love you, and always be careful of what you say because those may be the last words you'll ever hear them say, or the last words they'll ever hear you say. I am thankful that the last words my mother heard me say, before she fell unconscience, was "I love you", and she smiled over at me and said "I love you too my baby girl". I'm glad she didn't suffer for so long, and that we were by her side, along with her siblings and other family members and friends, when she took her last breathe. By god, it wasn't the easiest thing to go through but I feel strong about my mother being in a better place, watching over us, and taking care of us. I feel her presence in everything that I do, like her spirit is around me and shes there, making sure nothing is there to harm me. I even find myself talking out loud to her like shes sitting there right next to me. Its weird but maybe this is my way or dealing with my loss, or just a form or implying, I know she is gone but I still feel her with me.
I know my mother would want me to be happy, and would want me to continue on with this life of mine. So I won't fail her now. I do miss her, I do love her, and I do wish she were here. Maybe she is, just in a different way. I'm so glad that her and I shared the those last few weeks together in good spirits. We had so many mother daughter talks, and she made me realize so much about myself. She would surely be missed. She is such a special lady! She had no enemies, and everybody loved her. We had so much support through these past few weeks and we're all grateful for that. She will surely be missed by a lot of people.
A big thanks to my best friend, Cal, who was there from day one to see me through this. Without you, I don't think I would have been able to bring myself to say good bye, or it would of made the process a lot slower and more painful. You really supported me and you've been exactley what I needed. I know you took a lot of time off work to be there for me, so I know what you did for me and I'll never forget it. Thank you so much for being there, not because I asked you to but because you wanted to. I love ya!
And a big thanks to everyone else out there who showed their support through this difficult time. My mother's students who sent the cards, those were wonderful to read. The stories family and friends shared, those were wonderful to hear. Its great to know my mother put a smile on so many faces and made a lot of people laugh. She certainly brought the best out of everyone!
Love Jo.
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